I totally just went on a massive Zelda (and then some) shopping spree...which is horrible since I'm jobless -_-

I got:

gold cart OoT

SE majora's mask (with the hologram thing)

majora's mask (without the hologram thing)

GREY cart NES Adventures of Link O.O I had never seen it before

the animated Zelda series on DVD ("well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, princess!")

and then some:

Final Fantasy VII complete soundtrack (import)  O.O zOMG

Final Fantasy Distant Worlds soundtrack (import)

Death Note original soundtrack (import) (the first one)

I spent wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much money XD

Tags: Zomg Zelda

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I had a very long discussion with B about the singing thing...and while he's very little direct help, being not-so-musically-inclined, the discussion still helped me figure some things out.

remembering what my voice professor said and was teaching me as I left the music program...I feel like I'm not quite ready for American Idol.  there are still some techniques that the singers that make it to the top have, and that I don't quite have.
I could actively pursue singing again...at something like $100/hour ><  I...can't justify spending that much without some sort of evidence that this thing could bear fruit for me.  I'm not counting random strangers, because they only hear me for a few seconds and hadn't studied my ability or what it takes to make it.
without that extra training though...I feel like I'm not ready for American Idol or anything of that sort.

you see where this is going, don't you.  it's circular.

so my options are:
A) shell out a ton of money that will likely never bear fruit - is it worth it just as a side interest?
B) just enter in American Idol and see where I stand as a singer.  sink-or-swim, straight up.  if I make it, awesome, and if I fail, well, I tried.  -and I will likely fail, but it will hopefully be a fun ride.
C) just keep doing what I'm doing and let myself wonder "what if..." for the rest of my life, and look back on this with some amount of regret that I didn't even try (again).

I...don't really like any of those options XD  I don't want to do this half-assedly, I'm too scared to go all out (and rightfully so - the odds are so slim), and I don't want to not do it at all - I feel like at some point I gotta stop ignoring all the people at the parking lots, red lights, and drive-thrus that tell me I've got a good voice and should do something with it...not to mention I love singing anyway.

and so, my conflict.  in the meanwhile, I have my backup plan, no problem.  but how far should I go with this, if I should go anywhere at all?

Tags: Singing Voice Confidence Conflict

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So as I was heading home from B's house last night, in typical Shae style, I had my windows rolled down while singing at the top of my lungs and not giving a damn about what anyone else thought - I was just immersing myself in the music as I drove.

this white truck pulls up next to me at a light, right as the light turns green. he caught up with me at the next light though, as I was taking a break (I was listening to a Japanese song and didn't know the words well enough to BS through XD.)

so he shouted at me, "Miss!" I looked up at him...and he said very pointedly, "oh, my goodness. why are you not on American Idol?"

...and my heart sang. we talked briefly...I told him I didn't think I was ready, and he mentioned they're coming to town and I should go, and then the light turned green. he pulled across to lanes behind me to turn left - he was in the wrong lane, since he stopped to tell me that.

I...I...I dunno what to do XD I used to get comments like these back when I was working at the arcade (2+ years ago), and I was taking voice lessons then...but then, all stopped and I fell out of the groove. I still sang, but hadn't gotten comments like this in years.

I kinda feel like I'm at a crossroads anyway. I want to pursue my degree and teach English to kids in Japan. I'm still figuring out how I want to do that - degree in English, degree in Education, degree in each? how long can I survive living at my parents house while going to school fulltime?

but...singing was my passion long before Japanese culture was, and was the hardest passion to let go. maybe I should pursue it again.
can I? should I? it's a crap shoot. the odds are so slim. and I haven't had training in so long...

but I have talent. and I love it. I just...

I'm terrified. TERRIFIED. ...not of getting up on a stage, that's all fun. I'm terrified of being disappointed, I guess.

is that justifiable? should I try it anyway and get my hopes up and let them be crushed? or should I not f*** with it?

...am I crazy? XD the fact that it's 1:30am as I typed this probably doesn't help, lulz.

Tags: Sing Voice American Idol Talent Conflict Passion

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yayyyyyyyyyy!  ArchonRO is coming back to life <3

I am soooooooooooooooooo happy!  we're not dead yet!

Tags: Archon Ragnarok Online RO

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so I guess at some point I should say what happened.

I got laid off.  >_>

yeah, I actually survived the first round of layoffs - even though I was the newest data entry person.  that either speaks very highly of me or very poorly of the girl that got cut...or both.

...but it didn't matter - I didn't survive the second wave.

I was ready to kick some ass in jobhunting the first couple of days...then I kinda sank into a bit of a depression.

but now I'm back and better.  I have a plan - I'm going to just stay put at home until I get my bachelor's (which should go twice as fast now), and then I've got mad options once that happens.  :D

so...we'll see where the winds take me after that.

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I have a dream...that one day, a black president, a female president, a hispanic president, will be no big deal.  ...that there will not be hope for minorities, as it will no longer be needed.  ...that we will all truly be seen as each other's equals.

for now, there is a shift.  that is a part of progress.  today, the pendulum swung completely to the other side - from the side of the white males to the side of the minorities.

one day, the pendulum will settle in the middle, and a world of racism and other forms of prejudice will be hard to imagine.

I long for that day.

it's a shame I have such a bad headache, I'd totally make a bigass speech out of this XD

Tags: Dream MLK Obama Prejudice Racism

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it recently occured to me that my boyfriend and I are coming up on our 5-year anniversary in a little over a month.

FIVE YEARS.

y'know, 10% of marriages don't even last that long.

...wow.

Tags: Personal Love Anniversary

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I finally got my drawings scanned in, and they're uploaded here for your viewing pleasure.  feel free to comment here, just be gentle with my mistakes - pens are not very forgiving.

also, I'm taking my drawing a step further.  I got re-admitted for school yesterday, and I'll be signing up for courses in graphic design.  I had everything figured out from the website, and then I was handed a paper that had a breakdown of all the specializations I could go into O.O  applied graphic design tech (that's the one listed on the website - it's more your typical corporate and advertising stuff), commercial photography, web-interactive media, digital video, 3D animation, and game art & animation.

dammit, I'm a woman!  I'm indecisive - don't give me options!

anyway, the game art & animation sounds AWESOME <3  I would LOVE to go into that, but I'm sure it's uber-competitive with all the other talented geeks out there.  so I'm going to take a few classes here and there in that, but get my start in applied graphic design tech.  my first classes will be intro to computer graphics (which will be boring, I'm sure, but is a requirement no matter what I go into), and storyboard (wish would be a requirement for the gaming art.)  maymester/summer, I'm hoping to take drawing (requirement for graph design tech) and a couple of core courses - speech or archery or sumptin.  oh yeah, and I'll need to re-take photography, and get that damn history of communication graphics out of the way.

fun <3

Tags: Drawing Artist Graphic Design School

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as the holidays approach, I've had a few thoughts about them...namely, how commercialistic (is that a word) Christmas is.  y'know, some Christians down here in the Bible Belt will condemn Halloween for being an "evil" or "Satanist" or (closer to the truth) "pagan" holiday - even though, as far as the Christian children are concerned, the spirit of the holiday is to go out and have fun (though, there's always a few mischevious minds out there, but they're individuals and are therefore a moot point, as there are a few bad apples in every bunch.)
so Halloween is outright condemned by many within the Christian faith...but then, they'll turn around and indulge in consumerism for Christmas, THE Christian holiday.
now wait a minute.  is this really...better?
first, if you're going to look at the pagan aspect of Halloween...yes, Halloween has ties to the pagan holiday of Samhain.  Christmas has pagan ties too, though - the Yule tree was a pagan tradition long before it was incorporated into the Christian holiday.  some Beltane traditions were integrated into Easter.  so on and so forth - I know most of you are aware of these things, and those that aren't are capable of looking them up; I digress.  the point is, if it's a problem with Halloween due to its roots as a pagan holiday, you've got a problem with pretty much all the heavily-celebrated Christian holidays.
now, there's also Christians that outright think this holiday is "evil."  well, let's examine this a bit.  what makes this holiday "evil"?  well, there's the obvious mischief and scariness associated with Halloween.  of course, how an individual celebrates Halloween is pretty much up to the individual, and it seems that most people out there are in general respectful.  there's a few bad apples in every bunch; I mentioned this above.  ...and then, there's the root of some Christian beliefs that, if it's not in the Bible, it's likely Satan pulling you away from the Bible in some form or another and is therefore Satanic.  No, I'm not going to argue this one; it has a basis solely on faith, and therefore I cannot counter any point with logic.  If you want to believe that, more power to you.
But regardless, when you look at Halloween, then Christmas...what logic there is isn't consistent.  ...let's give Christmas the same eye of scrutiny as Halloween, shall we?
y'know, for a holiday about Christ, Jesus's name is sadly...a footnote of the holiday season.  everyone's so concerned about buy buy buy I want I want ohhhh I gotta get the house cleaned up and I gotta go to this party and we gotta get the family together and decorations and planning Christmas dinner and you're working when and get my son his new toy and run run RUN RUN RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN ~collapse~
so...yeah sure, Christmas has Christ's name in it.  that's...about all that makes it a Christian holiday (especially seeing that, no, Christ was not born on Dec 25th.)  ...and, as I've deduced it, with Christian having Christ's name in it (and nothing more than that to make it a Christian holiday), and with so many vendors using Christmas to sell (I've heard retail makes 80% of their yearly income during the last two months of the year) ...would that not mean the businesses are using Christianity/the Christian holiday/Christ's name to turn a profit?
if that isn't taking God's name in vain, nothing is.  ...and then, while Halloween isn't directly going against something written in the Bible, Christmas is.

I've been mad at people's attitudes about these two holidays for quite some time.

...and then, I skimmed over something just now that gave me hope, and brought some faith back into Christianity for me.
A friend of the family wrote a letter (one of those generic letters sent out en masse) about what she's been up.  She's on the board of directors for Alternatives for Simple Living, and gave out a pamphlet.  Normally I'd throw these things away as more unwanted propaganda, but my mom asked me to read it, as we had recently had a conversation similar to what I outlined above.  So I skimmed...loosely.  Basically...it's unwanted propoganda and advertisement wrapped in having some noble/divine cause.  the packaging sure is nice...but when you get down to it, what you have is still just another useless pamphlet and people begging you for money.
well...maybe not entirely useless.
the messages within DO have redeeming qualities to them.
while I disagree with the way this group is going about doing things (muchly for the same reasons I outlined above), their practices are intriguing.  The stories filled within the pamphlet are generally about a simpler Christmas.  The one story that really caught my eye was titled, "The Best Gift I Didn't Get."  This woman asked everyone to take the money they would've spent on her and spend it on someone that truly has a need for it - and let her know what it was spent on.
...And so, her gift was "$50 donated to Habitat for Humanity, $20 given to a homeless woman looking in a dumpster for food, towing service paid for a stranger whose car had left them stranded, Christmas gifts provided for a Salvation Army Angel Tree, and a yearly gift made in the form of a monthly pledge made to the ASPCA."  some people still gave her real gifts, of course...but...damn, that's awesome.
so...I think I'll re-use that pretty packaging that the propoganda came in.  I'm asking all my friends to take their time and/or money that they would've spent getting me something, and use it for someone in need.  They could give to charity (though, I prefer gifts more personal) ...or they could help a random stranger that needs help...give food to someone hungry...buy something (dry cleaning, food, whatever) for the person in line behind them...volunteer at some shelter...etc.

~chuckles~ if you guys want an excuse to do this, do something for me!   ^_^

Tags: Christmas Halloween Christianity Religion Pagan Holiday

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