So as I was heading home from B's house last night, in typical Shae style, I had my windows rolled down while singing at the top of my lungs and not giving a damn about what anyone else thought - I was just immersing myself in the music as I drove.

this white truck pulls up next to me at a light, right as the light turns green. he caught up with me at the next light though, as I was taking a break (I was listening to a Japanese song and didn't know the words well enough to BS through XD.)

so he shouted at me, "Miss!" I looked up at him...and he said very pointedly, "oh, my goodness. why are you not on American Idol?"

...and my heart sang. we talked briefly...I told him I didn't think I was ready, and he mentioned they're coming to town and I should go, and then the light turned green. he pulled across to lanes behind me to turn left - he was in the wrong lane, since he stopped to tell me that.

I...I...I dunno what to do XD I used to get comments like these back when I was working at the arcade (2+ years ago), and I was taking voice lessons then...but then, all stopped and I fell out of the groove. I still sang, but hadn't gotten comments like this in years.

I kinda feel like I'm at a crossroads anyway. I want to pursue my degree and teach English to kids in Japan. I'm still figuring out how I want to do that - degree in English, degree in Education, degree in each? how long can I survive living at my parents house while going to school fulltime?

but...singing was my passion long before Japanese culture was, and was the hardest passion to let go. maybe I should pursue it again.
can I? should I? it's a crap shoot. the odds are so slim. and I haven't had training in so long...

but I have talent. and I love it. I just...

I'm terrified. TERRIFIED. ...not of getting up on a stage, that's all fun. I'm terrified of being disappointed, I guess.

is that justifiable? should I try it anyway and get my hopes up and let them be crushed? or should I not f*** with it?

...am I crazy? XD the fact that it's 1:30am as I typed this probably doesn't help, lulz.

Tags: Sing Voice American Idol Talent Conflict Passion

Bookmark: